“You’ll Never Ever Be Good Enough”
I don’t know about you but this is a phrase that I am very familiar with. I have heard it and felt it more than enough times throughout my 33 years of existence from teachers, employers, friends, partners, parents and even myself and I have decided that I have had enough.
There is no worse a feeling than when you believe that you cannot do something, or that you will never be good enough because insecurities can make even the smartest and most beautiful people foolishly question themselves despite how amazing they truly are. The truth is, no one is born with self-confidence. It is something that even the most put together of us struggle with at certain points of our lives and it is definitely something that can be learned and developed.
Throughout the last couple of years I realised that the only opinion that matters to me is my own and if I believe that I can do something then the sky’s the limit. As someone who would give up at the first hurdle, or sometimes not even try for the fear of failing I can now honestly say that if I want something, I go for it and here’s a few of the tips and tricks I have discovered along the way that could help you:
Think Positive & Kill Negative Thoughts
Pretty much everybody has heard of the phrase ‘Positive Mental Attitude’ and this is exactly what I am asking you to do, simply think positively about tasks or challenges and you will notice a huge difference in how you perform.
If you are completely overwhelmed and are struggling to think positive then break it down into smaller chunks and focus on the things you can do. For example, if you want to run a marathon but can’t even run around the block, that’s no problem. Set yourself a small goal that you know you can complete and once you accomplish it, set yourself a slightly bigger goal until you can run that marathon – it may take you a year to get there but hey, you have to learn to walk before you can run.
Killing Negative thoughts comes hand in hand with thinking positive but it is very important that you treat the two separately if they are to be successful. The key to killing negative thoughts is to be aware of your inner voice, you know, that voice that I was talking about earlier, the one that tells us that we can’t do it, it’s too hard and makes us want to quit before we even give something a try.
Once you become aware of this voice, treat any negative thought as a virus that needs to be removed and replace it with something positive. If it helps, write down all the negative thoughts you have and then throw them away – literally and mentally.
This one might sound a little stupid but honestly, it really does work. Affirmations are positive and uplifting statements that we say to ourselves and are normally most effective when said out loud so that we can hear them. What you need to do is decide what your affirmations are going to be and simply repeat them to yourself – the aim of this exercise is to convince yourself of your self-worth until that inner voice of yours doesn’t need to be told, just to give clarity here are few that I like to use:
I am confident, smart and able
I love the person I am becoming
I am worthy of all the good things that happen in life
I let go of all negative feelings about myself and accept that all is good
Do one thing that scares you every day
I am absolutely terrified of flying so about 9 years ago I decided to have a go at getting my private pilot’s license… Why? Because the best way to confront your fears is to confront it head-on. By pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and facing new fears on a daily basis you will create positive experiences, in turn, this will increase your confidence.
Self Care is hugely important because if you regularly take time to look after yourself you will start to feel more and more confident. Not confident about the way you look, then why not treat yourself to a little makeover, not confident about your intelligence, then why not pick up a good book and spend 30 minutes reading about a subject you are interested in? You get the gist!
Question your self-criticism
As mentioned briefly earlier, some of the worst comments that we get come from that little voice inside our head. If you struggle with low self-confidence, there is a possibility that your inner critic has become overactive and inaccurate, but don’t worry, you can use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to address this and it’s simple too. Whenever that little pesky voice pipes up with something negative simply look for evidence to prove or disprove it.
If that little voice says that you are a failure then ask yourself ‘why are you a failure?’ and ‘why are you NOT a failure?’ I am 99.9% sure that the reason for you not being a failure will by far outweigh the reasons that you are.
I haven’t tried this next one so here’s a crazy idea, why don’t we do this one together…
Take the 100 days of rejection challenge
So this one is a little similar to facing your fears every day but a lot more focused. The idea is, we write down 100 things that we want to ask for but don’t think we will get and every day for 100 days we complete one of them, expecting the rejection that we are so scared of.
I’m not too sure what the outcome will be with this one but I guess if you are rejected 100 times it will harden you up and give you more confidence to ask for what you want, and you never know, some of your requests may get a response that you are not expecting.
I will check back in with you all in about 100 days and let you know how I have got on so please if you try it, let me know what your most surprising request was and why?
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